I thought going back to cheer would cheer me up haha. Ironically it made me feel worse.
Being in cheer camp.. It really made me miss it so much.
I miss the time I can just copy my homework *bad example* and cheer all I want. I don't have to worry about finishing hundreds of drawings, transportation, financial problems, friendship.
Cheerleading used to be my everything. I missed for it to be my everything. I still want to be part of it, that was why I agreed to be in the commitee. I knew I won't be joining the camp or whatsoever because I don't want to get involved when I just can't afford to.
In the past week, he has stayed with me the whole time. Getting me to sketch during the camp, reminding me about stuff to do, helping me with everything..
He said to me before. That if he lost me, he ll be lost already.
The truth is, if I lost him. I ll be the one that is totally lost.
I just couldn't bear losing such a friend, a friend that will never give up on me. Im so dependant on him. Its overwhelming to know I don't think I can live without him.
He's afraid of me giving up on him if things went bad. Because he is my first. Maybe you ll think its immature but I can tell you I plan on sticking to him for the rest of my life. =') I know theres alot waiting for us.. but I want to endure it with him. Infact, Im the one afraid that he won't.
My self esteem have been low all the time. It has been hard for me to believe that he's with me now. Even now. After all that has happened =)
It took me a long time to admit to myself that I love him, took me a long time to confess to him, took a long long long time for us to get together too.
I think now Im so scared of losing him that I think the best way is to tie him up and kidnap him lol. But duh. No.
Every chance I got, I ll hug him so tight that I myself can barely breathe. His warmth, his scent, his everything gave me strength to go on with it, to believe we are together. To believe we are in love.
By now ,after typing all this crap, I realise that I can tell to everyone,
He love me alot =)
And I believe he is the one.
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